deathBox

Come on, you know you're out there, miserably shuffling around the internet in darkened bedrooms, peering round the doorways of self conscious chat rooms, hilariously adding the number 69 to your character defining web-mail addresses and then sending moronic, point avoiding, ill-punctuated little packets of inept bile to us.

But not enough of you. We don't get a lot of mail here at deathBox - we've not got many friends if truth be told - but we love the ones we do get, largely from Manics fans, strangely enough. Those Manics fans have taken particular exception to our light hearted little stab at Richey Edwards penchant for self mutillation. Take Amy Edwards (coincicdence?) for instance. Rejoicing under the moniker townie_hater69@hotmail.com, Amy says:

"i really do not think ure site is very funny AT ALL. i take it it is meant tobe amusing.ermm....well it isn't. how can you take the p*ss out of someone with obvious problems. you really are sick and twisted and there may be some foolish fans who will use that "stencil". This is teh most immature load od bulls*it i have EVER seen. damn you to hell."

Oh dear, some fans may actually USE the stencil, and we're encouraging them. Maybe so, then again, maybe the sight of their hero on the front cover of the NME, looking cool under moody lighting with blood pouring from his mangled forearm might have encouraged them as well, but if any of them were teetering on the edge of the abyss, it's probably more likely that it's our fault, don't you think?

Further admonishments arrived from a reader who wished to remain anonymous, who merely stated:

"Hee hee...i'm laughing because I know you'll be dead someday. Soon I hope."

And we're laughing too Anonymous, laughing at your e-mail address, which just happens to be immortal_faerie69@hotmail.com. Really. You just couldn't make it up, could you?

We don't even know the name of our next correspondent either, unless it really is monkeykerplunk@aol.com. You never know. Anyway, old Monkey Spunk told us:

"that is fucking sick!!! i feel like beating you with a fiery stick right now. that was soo uncalled for..why did you have to use richey like that?"

Why indeed? Possibly because he's the only celebrity we know of who carved an immature message into his arm with a razor blade and then allowed a photographer from a national music paper to take a photograph to use on the front cover, rather than rushing immediately to hospital in an attempt to stem the flow of blood. We toyed with the idea of using Carol Smillie, but were worried it wouldn't make much sense.

So there you go, weve been damned to hell, beaten with a fiery stick and had death wished upon us just for writing an article on a COMEDY website, and yet we're the ones who are sick. Shame on us. But it's not enough - we want more of this crap from you. Loads more. We love it, we really do. So please readers, if you've missed the point of one of our articles and have suddenly stopped viewing this site as satirical and decided that we're being serious simply because we've mocked your particular sacred cow, then write in an tell us all about it.

We're waiting, come and have a go if you think you're thick enough...

Send us your comments about this article...